If You'll Have Me
by iffulovedme
Summary: Zabuza/Haku. Haku's POV. I want you to use my body not only to fight but also to love.
1. Beneath the Silence

_I don't know about you, but I'm happy we met. It's not that I can't remember a time before you or that I can't imagine my life without you. Both things are true, to an extent. My life before you was horrible, filled with terror and anxiety. I was weak, naïve. I didn't know how to deal with life. I thought everything happened for a reason. Now I know better. _

_I wouldn't be anything if not for you. I don't think you understand completely the extent of my devotion. I _need _to be near you. I see the looks people give us, a seemingly young girl and a grown man. At hotels I've been offered help, kind people willing to take me in. The comments, for some reason they don't-can't- understand, make me smile. They think we're involved. But you've never touched me like that. Other than adjusting a stance or hand to hand combat, we don't touch at all. The remarks make me sad. _

_I want this, but I know I must not ask. So I just smile and politely decline. They send us off the next morning with pitying looks. You see them, I know you do. But I take a leaf out of your book and don't bring it up. _

_We journey in silence, but that's the way I like it. I like to imagine that we're ordinary men, living an ordinary life. What do you think about, I wonder. Your face gives nothing away. And I try to close my face off, but I can't quiet deny the fact that this is the happiest I've ever been. But I know it won't last. Because we're not ordinary men so this happiness is ephemeral. _


	2. Grief I Know Not

"Haku."

Stomach tightening at that harsh tone calling his name, commanding his unconditional loyalty, Haku managed a decisive, "Yes."

"Come here."

Haku stood at once and went over to Zabuza. Haku as much as he'd trained to keep his feelings in check, couldn't hide his surprise when Zabuza touched his forehead.

"You have a fever," Zabuza said flatly.

He frowned and Haku readied himself for a strong punch to the gut. Zabuza had never hit him before, and even though Haku was sure he deserved it, the thought made him sad.

So Haku bowed low from the waist. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

Zabuka chuckled lowly. "Ah, Haku, the same as ever. Go to sleep, I shall keep watch tonight. Tomorrow we shall find a hotel."

Haku bowed again. "Thank you for being so understanding. I shall go to sleep right away." He waited for Zabuza to dismiss him.

"Good night." Zabuza's gaze returned heavenwards and Haku found a comfy patch of grass to lay his head.


	3. Change I Can't

Haku woke up and found himself alone. Suppressing his initial panic at the thought of Zabuza abandoning him, he stood up slowly and assessed his surroundings. Zabuza's pack was still there so Haku felt mollified enough to sort through his own bag to see if he could scrounge some breakfast.

He found nothing. Sighing, he was just about to find some edible plants when Zabuza materialized before him.

Haku sneezed and was stunned when Zabuza pushed him into a sitting position and Haku went withotu a fuss. Truth be told, he was feeling dizzy and there were two Zabuzas in front of him.

"Sit. You need to rest."

Haku offered his mentor a thankful smile.

"I'll pack up our things and then we'll go. There's a village up ahead."

When it was time, Zabuza bent down and Haku stared at him nonplussed.

"Get on. I'll carry you."

Haku wondered idly if maybe it was Zabuza who was sick instead. He'd never seen the man act like this before. Still, the thought of being pressed against Zabuza thrilled him so he clamored on.


	4. Wind

_I almost don't want to go into the village except to get provisions because really, I don't mind sleeping outdoors, actually I prefer it. But it's as you say; there's nothing quite like being clean and sleeping in a bed. But I would forgo all that if only to escape the comments, the reminders that you and I aren't truly a couple. I want you to touch me. I want you to use my body not only to fight but also to love. _


	5. Water

Zabuza was a complicated man. Still, it hadn't taken long for Haku to figure him out. Zabuzka was intimidatingly strong, intelligent, and excessively cruel. That was obvious to anyone. Haku was terrified at first. He'd often found himself wondering when Zabuza would kill him.

Then, one night, almost sixth months after they'd met, Haku had offered to take the night watch. Zabuza had never let him do it before and Haku was worried he would fall over dead. Zabuza had stared at him with an intensity that accompanied all of Zabuza's actions.

Zabuza, much as it irked him to admit it, was human. He couldn't continue without sleep much longer.

Zabuza had nodded once then proceeded to sleep standing up. That Zabuza had trusted him with his safety still thrilled Haku so much it amazed him. Zabuza _trusted_ him. The thought filled Haku with warmth which more often than not made his pale skin glow.

"What're you so damned happy for?"

"You trust me," Haku answered truthfully, the thought of lying never crossing his mind.

"You're an odd one." Zabuza's tone was flat but his lips twitched and Haku realized he was trying not to smile.


	6. Ice

Haku grinned now at the memory. He was feeling once more himself. His fever was down and they were outside. Still, Haku suppressed a shiver. He didn't know why, but he felt as though time was running out. He shooed the thought away. Zabuza was his as completely as he was Zabuza's. There was still time, Haku thought. Perhaps once the next mission (to kill some bridge builder), Haku would confess to Zabuza. He wasn't fool enough to think Zabuza would make the first move. Why should he? Haku was the one who had to prove himself.

Haku released ice crystals at his whim and Zabuza give his little nod of approval that never failed to make Haku's heart beat twice as fast.

"What is your move called, Haku?"

_I have to make you mine, because I know you won't make the first move. That it's not because you don't care. Because you do. It's_ because _you care. You want me to be sure. I look into the murky depths of your eyes and I see kindness. I see pain and I see myself. Your heart is frozen._

And with this thought, Haku answered Zabuza's question.

It had come to him in a dream. But he didn't admit that, knowing it wouldn't interest the older man. "Hyōton."

_There's still time…_

~Fin


End file.
